Inspirational, courageous and brilliantly written, October 19, 2009
|By||Fran Lewis “Fran and Bertha” – See all my reviews|
The Lives of Abused and Battered Women
By Author: Barbara Ann Hart
Reviewed by Fran Lewis
When a woman believes that it is okay to become someone’s punching bag she is sending herself a poor message. When a woman feels that she has the inability to place the fault on the person who is punching her and creating the abuse, she needs to rethink and reaffirm her rights as a person and whom she really is.
There are many kinds of abuse that people endure throughout their lives. Whether it is child, sexual, physical, emotion, intimidation or verbal abuse, it is still wrong and the abuser needs to be dealt with and made to realize that their actions and words will not go unpunished.
Emotional abuse is more harmful and detrimental than you think. The scars are hidden and cannot be seen on the outside but are ever lasting ones that often destroy the person’s self-esteem, self-respect and feelings of self-worth. No one has the right to do this to anyone in any way.
As our author so brilliantly tells her story and shares the many experiences she encountered when dealing with different types of abuse and abusers, we learn some serious lessons that must be taught and remembered by all women. One of the worst things that can happen to a person as described by the author is being made to feel that you are worthless and not good enough to be in anyone’s air space and because of that you deserve the poor hand that you are being dealt. Men often abuse women because they have low self images, low self-esteem and in order to make themselves feel self-important and more in control, they try intimidation, fear, guilt, shame and physical harm in order to take strong, powerful and intelligent women down into the pits of the gutter where these men really reside.
As the author shares many of the true life incidents that she went through and others close to her too, we learn that men often become violent and abusive when women are more successful than they are, have better jobs, can handle difficult issues better than they can and can move on in many different directions when things do not work out for them. They demean and verbally insult the women causing some women to self-inflict their own abuse on themselves by feeling they deserve to be unhappy when their partner is too. NO YOU ARE NOT!
Women need to realize that who and what they are is just fine. Take a paper and make a list of all the things that you want for yourself and in life and post it on a wall in a room, bulletin board in just in notebook. At the top of the list label it THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR ME in order to make your life go on an uphill climb. Our author related stories about women who felt the need to put the desires of men ahead of theirs and were often deflated and left alone when the desires were met and they found someone else to fill them in what they feel might be a better way. Take that list and add to it what you want in a partner and the qualities that you both should have to make the relationship work. Then, decide what you need for your success and do not settle for less.
The one thing that my mother taught me and I have never forgotten till this day is to be financially independent of any man whether a husband, boyfriend or anyone and never ask for anything that you cannot get for yourself. Marriage is a definite partnership with each party sharing the responsibilities whether financial, household chores and more. But, when one person forgets his place and decides that mistreating the other is the only way he can find an excuse to wander, leave and default on his responsibilities, it is your job to show him the door and keep it locked or better yet change the locks. She also taught me after many years of learning the hard way, that you must never love someone more than they love you and put your needs at the top of the list.
The message conveyed in this book is meant for women and men. No one has the right to debase, demoralize or diminish the inner soul, inner being and inner core of another person. There are many gears people use when driving a car and the one that you must never use when dealing in a relationship is reverse. Move ahead and drive and establish yourself as a brave, courageous and independent women who can manage on her own and when she feels the need for companionship it will be on her terms and with the understanding that her rights and feelings will not be violated.
The author tells about women and describes how they cheat with other women’s partners whether married or not. These women are not as self-assured as you would think. They need control and they need to feel important and in order to do that they prey on good; kind and unsuspecting women who they feel are weaker than they are and will succumb to their rude and mentally dismantling ways. Men who cheat do it to feel virile, dominant and in their own terms manlier. Not so, they are just are little boys who want to feel grown up in an adult’s body and if the situation were reversed and you left them, they will not see it as anything that they might have done but blame it on you.
It takes a woman of courage, valor and integrity to open her life and her heart to her readers and share her experiences with us in order to inspire and teach other women and even men that any kind of abuse is wrong and we will not stand for it. Women often demean and can be hurtful when a man loses his job or becomes ill and cannot work. In-excusable. But, when that same man does not appreciate the loyalty, kindness and compassion afforded to him by his companion or partner, then he needs a lesson in more than just plain humility and kindness. Life is meant to be spent doing what makes us happy and brings joy into our hearts and minds. God is watching over all of us and will always be there when we need him.
Barbara Ann Hart has written a book that is meant to remind us everyone is unique and special in his or her own right. Everyone has a voice and it must never be silenced. Everyone is capable of love and when someone denies you that love or makes you feel less than whom you are, do what you do when you are typing and you make a mistake-DELETE him from your life and start over again.
Here is my message to you:
Barbara you have surely eased the pain of many by writing this book.
Barbara you have made many including this reviewer stronger in mind and heart by having read your book.
Barbara you are an amazing woman who will not stand for anyone hurting her or those close to you. You deserve God’s blessing and strength and kindness.
Diamonds are the most precious and valuable stones. Their worth never goes down. To every woman out there: YOU ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN THE HOPE DIAMOND OR THE LARGEST STONE IN Cartier’s OR HARRY Winston’s. WOMEN UNITE: FAIR WARNING: NEVER AGAIN: NO MORE! WOMEN UNITE: SISTERS ONE AND FOR ALL!
This is a great book and I never give stars: I give this book FIVE RAYS OF GOLDEN SUNSHINE: NO MORE CLOUDS OR STORMS IN YOUR LIFE
Fran Lewis: Reviewer